Friday, May 07, 2004
butter: So much about that...

Damit, a few minutes have gone past and I'm still here looking at this thing... I said that I was gone go to sudy a little bit but nobody is here to make me do that... I've got an exam tomorrow and it's really hard... :/ worried of what my life is gone be.. and into what will I eventually become of me... I still think that it all should be easier, but who's listening... noone.. :(

Posted at 02:47 am by Kaisa
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Sunday, May 09, 2004
butter: Fineally a little bit happier

It took some time but finally I'm a little bit happer again... I had my exam on Saturday and the day before my boyfriend arrived :P So after that stupid exam in English we went to the theater to see "Lendas üle käopesa" a nutty thing about a nuthouse somewhere in America... I think... but never mind... it was pretty nice :) the thing that I like about going to the theater is that looking nice thing :P U always make Urself look all pretty and beautiful :P

After that I had some private time with him.... we went to a pub and had dinner... romantic... what was the most amazing thing.. at last I noticed him telling me a compliment :P a thin I had never noticed before... maybe he hid it well :)

Today I sent him away... just a few hours ago... sice it is Mother's Day... I bought some flowers for my mum and baked her a cake and made some jelly :P with berries... mm... can't wait to eat it :P that's it for now... I'm enjoying my quiet and peaceful and happy time till I can... :P

Posted at 08:26 am by Kaisa
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Monday, May 10, 2004
butter: Yeah another thing I rememebered

Nice to have U all here.. since nobody's listening I can do anything I wish :P

Posted at 09:50 am by Kaisa
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butter: Just a reminder for myself

I've got to make myself somekind of a schedule... I can't study without it... or can I? I've got my oral exam tomorrow... haven't learned anything... I'm unnaturally calm aswell... I wonder where could that have come from..

Posted at 01:04 pm by Kaisa
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Friday, January 07, 2005
butter: Everything's new, year 2005!

So as the new year came in, so did our little "butter" start with a new job @ Elion. Nothing special, firstly I've just been around to chill there and listen to some calls that come in. Not that hard but yeah, still needs a lot of work.

Everything didn't go that well in the end with Salon+ Kristiine, the new manager wasn't that eager to see me there as the administrator and so it went a little bit heating there... yeah guess happends... I jsut got a "present" for my first advent.... bye-bye, was really nice to see you, but never come back... that was pretty much it... Just great... But yeah... what else?

Yeah I've got a BF in Finland, the ones that don't know it yet... he's been with me over 3 months already and we are very very happy together... just smth special after... after a long time of being sorroful and so on...

But yeah, I've seen his family, he went throught the tribunal my family threw on him and that's that I guess ;) Now we are officially introduced... to the future I guess...

Today's plans are going to rot I guess... sicne I'm too lazy to move my ass and I'm not in the mood to do anything... just smth fun would be alright... but yeah, that won't happen I guess... sigh... so hard :S Ok, enough of chit-chat...

cya ;)

Posted at 02:53 pm by Kaisa
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
flyahh: New life, new beginning!

To begin with, a new life has started wonderfully. With some problems too of course, but who hadn't them?! The new year has brought much. Me and my belowed have finally been introduced to our families including grandparents etg. And just yesterday, we bougt a new car. Envy, a BMW 540. A car, in which driving is as eating candy... so sweet! :D Still I'm looking for work, hope to find it soon... Otherwise, I'll be enforced to sit alone all daytime. But we can manage even that.

Life is being just wounderful. Even at traces of sadness, I feel happy. Right now I'm sittin' alone, I'm even not used to it, because we had a child living with us for a while. The daughter of my beloved. I got so used to having a child at home... Now home feels too empty. Need a child!:P I could now start talking that children are our future and how much I'd love to have a baby, but I'll save you from that kind of talk.

Let's better talk about my trip to Germany, whitch was kind of disaster and ended up wery funny. Well, on Saturday we started our trip in the bus station in Tallinn. We were about to go to Germany by bus! Exciting? Well, don't do that at home!:p The bus drives two days and includes many many problems, taht you are not warned about. We were supposed to change bussas in Riga, but we just couldn't because another bus was lost. So we drowe till Poland on the same bus we started our trip in. In poland, another bus was supposed to meet us. Guess what, the bus drivers forgot to come! Furthermore, they were so sleepy people, that they were sleeping at the time they were supposed to meet us. So we had to wait, and as a miracle, the bus came... many many hours later than it was supposed to come... The bus itselt was Latvian "comfortable" express, which even dind't have stuardess. But, it had three smoking busdrivers in it and finally 56 passengers! I should mention, that most passengers were also smokers and ran in the bus like crazy. And if the bus had a break, everyone ran out for a cigarette as their feet let them run. Funny sight. In front of us, sat an absolute jurk. A joung man, who was so clumzy that he even couldn't sit and get up from the seat. And every time, when people wanted to go somewhere, he stood up to put he's jaket somewhere. And so all the time, other 40 people waited...and waited...and waited... But somehow we made it in Munich! When everyone got out of the bus, everyone grabbed their bags... and believe it or not... almost noone new which was their... busdrivers had to fight people, to make them understand which is their... and so in the struggle, one bag was left behind... someone lady had forgotten her bag in the busstation in Munich... so we picked it up... sadly there were no dollar or euro packs in it.,.. only clothes and a hairdryer... sad! This was the end of bustrip. We went to a hostel, which had three beds and a TV in the size of a shoebox. The shower was all ok until we had a swimming pool in our bathroom... The water just didn't go away in the shower corner... But we managed that too..some blankets on the floor and we could walk with allmost dry feet...ofcourse when walking in shoes... otherwise... WET WET WET! :D On the way back to Estonia, we only looked at the nature... dzizaz... they have spring there! The grass is green, temperature is allmost 15 and you don't need no jacket on! On the way back, we heared about the terrible storm in Estonia.,.. we couldn't imagine so much forest lost... awful.. but the sight was great to come bask. Fallen trees on the road, rivers overfloated... And the sea water vas floating in river... oppositely as usually. :P

Well, enough for the moment :P cee ya

Posted at 02:30 pm by flyah
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butter: Time for a little nap!

Well-well, I finally did it, all my exams are done, both of them :). Took some time but yeah, at least I think I passed the last one aswell. First one was linear algebry and I got a 5, but today was the exam in physics... and I'm not so sure how that went... I'm not a brain or talent in that. Bah, weird tho, I was in a physics and math class in highschool... and still nothing got stuck.. well, happens I guess. But yeah, math is still great, thank you all who have been teaching me.

Today I aswell invited a friend of mine to start writing into this blog, so everyone who is reading this, be gentle... we are best friends and have been best friends for a long time ;) Hope that I didn't do a mistake and old memories start to come up, too much of an embarrassment ;) but yeah, what else?

Mostly I've spent the last few days studying but yeah there was a party in between aswell... a friend of mine, Nele got a little bit older.. so we went to celebrate that aswell... met a lot of other people who I hadn't seen in a while... and my ex aswell... turned my stomach upside down... got so nervous that yeah.. had to think everything all over again... been 6 months but still he has an impact on me.... awful thing, don't you think? But yeah he had a new GF aswell and he's happy so I guess I'm just gone have to accept that finally and move on... as Ilkka said to me... don't want to hurt him, not even a bit... but yeah... I suck at relationships... the last time I waited until we can have a chance and this time... I'm afraid to wait for the right chance... since I can't be sure if it stayes or not... don't want to see the life passing me by and waving while moving on... and I don't want to see my dreams collapsing once again.. it hurts you know...

Mnjah, me and my ex, we are a bit of a complicated story... break up was peaceful but still full of love and yeah, guess he wanted good for me but yeah, didn't realize that he was good enough... mnjah guess I couldn't make that clear to him... but yeah, since he's happy now I hope he can get over it all and once find what he was looking for afterall... It's weird how much some people touch our hearts... he touched mine deeply and I'm really glad that I at least knew him... and that we had some wonderful memories and I'm really sad that it all had to end... sometimes some things aren't worth the pain afterwards... this time it was...

The people who have had the chance to find out who I am, know that for me love is everything and that without love I'm pretty sorrowful... life is beautiful, but not when you haven't got anyone to share it with.. .at least that's what I think...

Posted at 02:36 pm by Kaisa
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
butter: Rise and shine!

Oh I wish it were that easy, just to wake up and shine whole day.... I cannot understand why God didn't make us be like that.. or that there would be music in our ears while walking... would be really nice...

Yesterday evening was really boring, didn't do absolutely nothing... and then when it was pretty late already, like midnight a friend called, oh hey I'm now in Estonia, let's go for a drink.. okey, thought and done... that covered an hour ;) and then I was back at my doorm and looking stupid. But yeah, it was pretty nice to go out again...

Sadly I was a bit upset, because we had a little quarrel with Ile... but yeah, what can Ido.. everything in our life is realy complicated. And actually it was all my fault, made a huge stake and since I wasn't in a really good mood I pushed it on and on and on... until he snapped, I snapped and the quarrel could start. But yeah, atm I think we settled it out and now it's okey... I hope!

And now, I'll be going to work@ Elion... another friend of mine, Nele, saw that I was bored and asked me to go by today and I will, since it's really interesting what they do there.. maybe I'll get a chance to do smth interesting over there aswell... but for now...

Rise and shine everyone ;)

Posted at 01:49 pm by Kaisa
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flyah: life is beautiful!

Reading butterz entry made me think about love again. I started to think what I expect from love and relationship. An important thought, don't you think?!
Some years ago, having read a book called "Tõde ja õigus" second part, I thought that having someone near, is everything you need. But now I think it is not true. It is important that your beloved would be near, but it is not enough. I guess I'm just a woman, who needs to be cuddled around at least a bit, but better if more :) Only if men could ever understand it. But mostly, they don't. As I have understood, men just need someone to be around and take care of them. Hanging around is most important so that they would not feel like being left alone. So, is this love for men? Hard to believe, but maybe.
One thing that I figured out is, that men and women both treasure trust in love and relations. Guess you could name trust a part of love then. But so it is. But what is trust? Is it only not cheating and always telling the truth? I could argue with that... Not telling things is allmost like...a lie.. Maybe it's only my opinion, but how can people speak about trust if they don't tell things to each other. That brings me to my relationship... I have noticed many times that my beloved doesn't tell me everything. Is it because he doesn't trust me or he needs more time to start talking... I don't know. But it's kind frustrating...
The truth is that if you start thinking about love, you always find things that don't satisfy you. So, the best thing is not to think that much. Thatway life is easyer and you are much happyer. Because nomatter what, you always have your love, you always can trust and life is beautiful. As someone said, people make up most problems in their minds... Make life pretty in your mind and your life will be pretty and happy.
Yesterday I made myself clear one thing, even if it is hard to be away even a day from beloved, it is neccessary sometimes. So, next time my beloved will go away for day or two, I'll just relax and live on. And actually, it is not as hard as it seems. All the evening I was alone, my sugar went out for a bowling with his frends and I should mention that he should do it even more often. Good to see him spending some time with frends too. I guess I should spend more time with my friends too... have left them without attention for a while.
I guess most people could say that my evening was boring yesterday, but... I sat with a glas of sider and a crossword and just enjoyed my own company. To be alone is good sometimes, but not too often, because alone one starts thinkig about bad things. Especially me. So I guess I frustrated myself a bit yesterday, but I'll survive. For, evening still ended up happily in the arms of someone I love more than enything in this world. Life is beutiful!

Posted at 03:57 pm by flyah
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Friday, January 14, 2005
butter: busy day...

Today I once again found myself doing stuff which I hadn't done in a while. Went to schoola nd got my physics grade... it was "3" - good. I'm pretty happy about it, since it was okey, I don't know physics.. so it's alright.. I only wanted to pass it... and yeah it's really weird now to know that I know physics better then philosophy or some other things....

Then I went to shop a bit with our little Kaili here and we had fun together at the cinema aswell. We watched the movie called "Bridget Jones: smth smth" ;, you know the second part.

Then after that I actually really started to miss my courgeous BF who unfortunately has to deal atm with his grandmother's death and broken leg... or some muscle thing... haven't gotten that yet, but yeah no broken legs, no walking without crutches... so yeah, so much about having luck. Would love to be there for him, but I can't... I'm here and he's there in Finland... far far away...

So I happened to call him once and actually all together 4 times or so and now I'm sitting here at my computer and trying to think out where he is or what he's doing... miss him... bah, have to find smth to do then I guess....

I think it's all now... talk to you later ;)

Posted at 07:07 pm by Kaisa
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Who am I? - The easiest way to put it would be that, I'm a typical Aquarius, INFJ type of person, born in the year of Ox/Tiger with an indigo kid twist...

Do you by any chance know what a typical Aquarius is like? - No? - Well, neither do I....

butter aka Kaisa:
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